I have changed in so many ways. I first learned that I am not alone that there are women that are lawyers, judges, doctors, teachers, counselors you name it that have been in some form of DV situation, and to see these women made me feel that I should have sought help, but was afraid to. vlounteering has helped me to share my story, but to help other women feel that they aren't by themselves, there's a ton of help if one is ready to move on, and its also changed how I look at me today. Just because I have a record that reflects that I am violent, by no forms of the word am I a violent person, but according to the law, I AM, and that title is NOT WHO I AM, nor is it who I was designed to be. I have an entirely different perspective as to how I look at my past, how my past has helped someone to NOT make the same choices I did, but got the the help needed so they wouldn't end up as I have. The change has been for the better, and I will not change one thing about my experience....NOT ONE!!!!!

There is no one thing that is better than the other. I will say this thought, my first conference where I had the opportunity to actually speak to a large group of people is when I learned the ignorance of so many, and how those of a different walk did not understand why people stayed in abusive relationships. I have to say that these people were not just ordinary people, but people who walked into the field, or are in the justice system and we super clueless to how one felt, how and why one continued, and lastly the emptiness of the job itself. I also learned many people took on a career in this field and have NEVER had an encounter with DV, so for them to understand those in position of DV, was endless and pointless to say the least. I guess why I am saying is that, no one can speak on something they had absolutely no knowledge on, without hands on experience. I do not care how much education one has in a related field, if you do not have any hands on or physical encounters in a field, do not fall solely on your book smarts to carry your understanding, it takes going thru to understand why something is the way it is. Not all things are as they appear!!!!!!

My first day, I have to say I was overly excited. I guess because of the venture itself. I knew my life was about to take on a change, and what other way than to face fears head on and around those experiencing the same thing. I did learn from the first day that DV affects all people of all walks of life, shapes, colors, ethnic backgrounds, more men are being abused by women, and the list goes on. The first day was so absorbing to the point each person left a mark within me that I am not alone and there is no reason to live in fear.

I started volunteering for DVSB due in part to a personal situation I had experienced of my own. I saw a need to inform not only myself, but the community as to what DV is, how it not only affects the victim, but also the family. I also took on the responsibility to further understand some underlying truths from within myself. Why did I seem to think that fighting was a way to express myself, when someone would verbally or mentally hurt me. Who am I to blame for not seeking help? What can I do to help others see the vision of DV as a form of control, not love. When does a person realize that they do not have to stay in a relationship that is abusive. And lastly, where are all the people who say they would do this, if that happened. Many of questions evolved within me as to why I took this as a passion, I am to assume that it comes from my own upbringing, and the physical abuse I taken from my own parent as a child growing up. To volunteer helped to close a many of doors in my life, and I felt compelled to give that back to those that may be experiencing the same walk or similar as I. Domestic Violence is nothing to be afraid of, however death is something one can not return from.