The weather is starting to get colder especially in the wee hours of the morning. I am starting to wake up really early now that I have a new job. But in spite of the new job, it give me time to think on a lot of things. When I was out searching for employment I would wake up early and just talk to God. I would ask him Why me? Why put a single mom threw so much. I wanted to just crawl back into bed because nothing could be worse than to not have a job especially when your 14 year old need shoes or need his hair cut. I couldn't go call my parents because they are not the people you can call and just say, "I need you all to help me? "I need a warm hug or just for someone to say they love me". I had to love myself and hug myself. In those early wee mornings when you can hear sound of the cracks from the walls that's when you draw close to God. Everyday I went out searching for work just to have doors shut on my face. Employers would call me or email me after they received my application and tell me that they had already hired someone. I felt so rejected and beaten down that I start believing that I would never find anything. Honestly, I wanted to go home and just curl up in my old bedroom the nice bed that I grew up in. We sometimes forget that the person that we never give credit for or even give support for is ourselves. This year I have been through so much if I make through the new year I will have made it . In the wee hours is when I think of my ex-fiancé and how I prayed that God would send someone for me and my son . I danced in that white wedding gown just to have to return it . I wonder what he is doing sometimes. I hope that he treats my sister better than he treated me. In the wee hours of the morning you will find me down on my knees praying to God. Praying that he gives me strength and that he keeps food on the table and the wolves at bay. Its amazing what happens during the wee hours of the morning. I have learned so much about myself during that time. I just ask for grace and more miracles.